


Stay...

by eraangel



Category: Deadpool (Comics), Deadpool - All Media Types, Marvel, Marvel (Comics), Marvel 616, Spider-Man (Comicverse), Spider-Man - All Media Types, The Amazing Spider-Man (Movies - Webb)
Genre: Angst, Bipolar Disorder, Explicit Language, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Mental Instability, Out of Character, Schizophrenia, Self-Destruction, Triggers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-01
Updated: 2015-09-01
Packaged: 2018-04-18 11:57:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 651
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4705190
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eraangel/pseuds/eraangel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A little sketch about how difficult it is for a schizophrenic to love and to be loved.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Stay...

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into Русский available: [Stay...](https://archiveofourown.org/works/6953869) by [eraangel](https://archiveofourown.org/users/eraangel/pseuds/eraangel)



> Junky bullshit... Inspired by  [this beautiful thing](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-n-GpMTiL94)  
> Sound: Stray Dogg – Disappear  
> triggers alert  
> English is not my native language, so yeah... Sorry about that.

Stay.

 

Stay with me. Please. I need you. I can’t breathe. My heart – that stupid piece of meat – is dying and fucking regenerates again. Over and over. Every single second – when you walk away.

 

_“Get out…”_

 

Stay…

 

  ** _“Wade…”_**

 

  _“Spidey, leave. Just… get the fuck outta here.”_

 

If you go… No. When you go away, I’ll be swallowing lead until you come back to scrape my soul off the walls and place it back into my bones and veins. Only you, my perfect baby boy, know how to do me up – fix my consciousness and my madness.

I'm looking for your features in others. Killing or fucking, chocking on a shitty fastfood burning out my palate to the bone. I'm looking for you in others. Your turn of head. Your sarcastic smirk. Your untamed curls. Your incredible scent. Your laughter, on which I get so fucking high like any junkie’s dream who's croaking from overdose in some sickening den. I'm looking for your walk, your turn of shoulders, I put you together as a puzzle – made of pieces of others. They all hurt me bad, because they are – not you. There is no harmony in them, and that is exactly what I need – shreds, roughly stuck together in such a familiar and plain absurd. I can live with this. Yes. Because you cause too much pain for me to bear it, no matter how hard I try. You are so much. And your blazing perfection overflows, I drown and cannot breathe. Spidey, you are like all those fucking Universes. Too great. I wanted to kill you, because then it would be easier. I wouldn’t hunt you away, and then wait you back. And then cast away again. And again – like a fucking circle.

Don’t answer me when I call. Do not open your door as I break my fingernails against it. Don’t abandon me. Do not take my heart, then you won’t have to abandon.

Save me.

Leave. Just leave.

Spidey, I hate you for loving you so much.

I don’t need your help. I don’t need anyone’s help.

I beg you, save me.

I’ll kill you as soon as I open my eyes and see you again.

Embrace me and don’t let go. And do not give me to anyone. Ever.

You can not, Spidey. You will not manage and will not want to.

You see how many “ _not”_ -s. Too many. Even you, my glorious, are not capable to swing over all these solid _"not"-s_.  Capsized icebergs. So much on the outside and oh so little – in. I'm not the one you need. I do not want you to break through all this ice and eventually discover – me.  Just me.

So leave.

Do not look at me.

Do not want me.

Do not love me.

You don't know what that means, baby boy. You're capable of loving only a perfection, just as flawless as you are. But it's not about me, and you know it.

Get out.

I want you to stay too much, so go away and don't look back. You will not see me decompose into atoms. You do not need to see it.

My dreams are bound to die. Kill them, Spidey. Tear them apart and kill. So that the sound of the slamming door could drown out my cry and a shot.

I'm used to death. My dreams are too. We are the walking dead. We are the condemned waiting for the day of our execution.

Don’t give me anything.

I don’t want to live and hope forever. It’s too painful.

That’s why…

 

I beg you…

 

Stay…

 

**_“I'm not going anywhere, Wade. I hear you, and may it all fuck off and go to the devil. I do not want and never wanted to be perfect as you’ve seen me. So I'll stay. I'm not leaving anymore. You hear me? I'm staying. Here. With you”._ **


End file.
